why does megan's blog always inspire my posts?

Yes, I was reading Megan's latest blog (at work) and it provoked my thoughts and inspired me to post my own blog (at work).

If you had asked me when I was 12 where I saw myself in ten years my answer would be something like this: Done with college, and either in med school or working as a biologist (don't ask where or how, I didn't think it through that far). I'd have graduated always at the top of my class, far and above the rest. Winning scholarships left and right. I'd be going steady with my boyfriend of a year, probably engaged. I'd be living in California if I was in medical school or in Hawaii if I was a biologist. I would have been on at least 3 mission trips.

If you had asked me when I was 17 where I saw myself in five years, my answer would be: Done with college, with an English or Journalism degree and a music minor under my belt. I'd be a copy editor or some title like that for Insight magazine, or I'd be an English teacher at BMA. On the side, I would be actively singing and writing songs, perhaps even recording. I'd be heavily involved in youth ministry, and will have spent a year overseas as a student missionary, and preparing to serve as a chaperone for BMA's yearly mission trips for the next several years. Also, I would be engaged, maybe even married.

And here I am, age 22. I'm a nurse, living in California, still working on my bachelor's degree. I've been on exactly one mission trip, and it doesn't look like I'll be going again any time soon. I can barely carry a tune with an extremely limited range(after several years of choir and a couple years of private lessons), play piano on an advanced beginner level (despite 10+ years of lessons), and hardly ever draw or write (despite poem upon poem and drawing upon drawing I used to spit out like an exploding ball of artistic creativity). I live alone, as single as the day I was born. Life doesn't really go as planned.

I used to want bigger things. I wanted to travel the world. To go on frequent mission trips, to make waves in my church, to be a breakthrough something. And if you looked at my track record, I was well on my way. And then somewhere along the way, I seemed to settle for mediocre. I started to blend into the background. Not doing anything outstanding, amazing. And I don't know if I chose this path, or if I just fell into it. Did I really let go of my dreams? Or did I just grow up? Is this really where God was leading me? Or is this where my own foolishness has led me? Sometimes I'm content, but more often, I'm restless. I never feel accomplished.

Where do I see myself in 10 years? Right now, I'm hoping to be married, had at least 2 kids (adopted and maybe biological--if I've been married long enough). Done with my masters in Marriage and Family Therapy, working 3, maybe 4 days a week, but primarily being a stay-at-home mom and good housewife. I will have gone on one more mission trip. Basically, even more settled than I am already.

Where is this big story I though God had promised me? Have I screwed up beyond reckoning or is this just a waiting period? I used to be a planner, now I'm realizing, the more I plan, the more likely I'll fall short.