heavy thinking

I was asked the following two questions this week:

1. What does "living life to the fullest" mean to you?

2. What's on your Checklist of things to do before you die?

The first question caught me totally off guard. I used to be able to readily answer, "Living life to the fullest for me means living wholeheartedly for a Godly purpose." But thinking on that now, it sounds rather vague and elusive. I still want to live wholeheartedly for a purpose that I'm passionate about, but I'm not yet sure what that is. I desperately want to live the life God has called me to live, but I don't know what exactly that entails. In the book I'm rereading, Captivating, it says that our calling is something that we are drawn too, something we are passionate about. Again, still figuring out exactly what that is. The follow-up of course to Question 1 is, "Are you living your life to the fullest?" Unsure as I am as to the first answer, I know beyond a doubt my answer to the follow-up. And it left me feeling quite unsettled.

As for the second question, I was also caught off guard, but in a different way. I really haven't thought about the experiences that I want to seek out. Sure, travel is up there, but it's on everyone's list. So again, I find myself thinking, "What is it exactly that I want out of this life?" Through prayer and much thought, I think I'm slowly finding the answer.

1. After God, I am most passionate about family. Children, married couples, I care most about preserving these bonds that God has created, and that Satan tries so hard to destroy. I want every child to feel loved. I want every married couple to be happy. I want to do whatever it takes to defend these relationships. Still unsure of the specifics, but I have a feeling this passion and draw to family is deeply integral to my calling.

2. I'm realizing more and more that I could care less if I ever go skydiving, visit Europe, write a book, write a song, or go white water rafting. Yes those things are nice, but I think the experiences I long for most are very close to what I'm most passionate about: I want to have a family. I want to know what it is to be a wife, to be a mother, to have my own circle to protect and defend. This is all that really matters to me.