I've never thought of myself as being afraid of commitment. I've always secretly dreamed of getting married to my very own Prince Charming and living happily ever after being with the same guy. But today I found myself in a discussion with a friend about my guitar.
Friend:So you bought a guitar?
Me:Birthday gift from parents. I asked for it.
F:So do you play it?
M:No.
And later...
M:Yep, took piano lessons for 12 years. And I still play like I've been taking lessons for 3.
F:Why do you say that?
M:I dunno, I lost interest, I guess. But now I really miss having a piano. I think I'll try to save up for a nice keyboard.
F:Yeah, but will you play it?
Which also led me to think about my art, my writing. I always get all excited about a project in the begining, but once I start losing my steam, I inevitably abandon it all together. I've had several ideas for novels and movie scripts, but I've never even attempted to pen them down because the idea of being tied down to something for so long frightens me. My longest story to date is all of three pages, and even that was difficult. I've started so many paintings/drawings/songs/poems that never reached completion because I just couldn't commit.
Which led me to think about bigger things: I originally planned to go to medical school, but I changed my mind. Why? The thought of being in school for so long scared me. Another interesting thing: looking back on my (nonexistent) love life, how many times have I been turned off or numb to a perfectly wonderful guy until I find some fatal flaw which makes me then fall head over heels? I've been sabotaging myself, running away from what could be a very good thing and instead wasting energy on things that will get me nowhere in life. How utterly depressing.
Oh well, Happy Valentine's Day.
F:
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